20 stvari koje nikad neće vidjeti u ST TNG:

1. Enterprise je naišao na energetsko polje koje je dobro poznato i istraženo.
2. Enterprise je uspješno prebacio stranog diplomata na odredište bez incidenta.
3. Enterprise je naišao na udaljenu naseobinu znanstvenika s kojima je sve u redu.
4. Riker i Data posjetili su Holodeck a on se nije pokvario.
5. Kapetan Pickard mora donijeti tešku odluku vezanu za manje naprednu civilizaciju, no srećom kapetan svoj odgovor pronalazi u Prime Directive.
6. Ispad zapovjednog mosta iz električne mreže broda ispravlja brodski električar i zaključuje da je pregorio osigurač.
7. Enterprise je susreo nepoznatu rasu, za koju se kasnije utvrdilo da je poznata, samo su njeni pripadnici nosili čudne maske da zajebavaju posadu.
8. Dogodio se incident na nekom brodu udaljenom 100.000.000 ly, no u pomoć dolazi najbliži brod, a ne Enterprise.
9. Enterprise ulazi u Warp i pogađa neko nebesko tijelo koje se neočekivano našlo na njihovoj putanji.
10. Cijela posada se razbolila, a lijek se nalazi u ormariću Sickbaya.
11. Geordi promatra predmet kroz svoj vizir, i zaključuje da nema pojma što je to.
12. Tijekom Romulanskog napada Picard zapovijedi bijeg Warp brzinom, no brod neće krenuti.
13. Data je predložen za promaknuće jer ne razumije ono što mu ljudi govore.
14. Wesleya Crushera premlate kolege iz razreda zato što je štreber, a on se zbog toga počne družiti sa svojim vršnjacima.
15. Savjetnica Troy da procjenu stanja koja je drugačija od one očite na prvi pogled
16. Tajanstveno energetsko biće pokušava ući u Enterpriseov računalni sustav - ali bez uspjeha.
17. Riker se upozna s nekom ženskom, napumpa je i odluči ostati i oženiti je, ali zbog toga dospijeva na vojni sud.
18. Posada Enterprisea otkrila je planet kojeg mještani zovu "Raj". Tamo su svi sretni, žive u izobilju, ne moraju raditi, energija im curi sama, da bi se do kraja epizode pokazalo da je sve doista tako - prekrasno mjesto za život.
19. Posada Enterprisea upala je u neku prostornovremensku anomaliju i *nije* završila na Zemlji u 20. st.
20. Kapetana Pickarda zarobila je neka superiorna rasa, i sudila mu za grijehe čovječanstva, no kasnije se utvrdila greška, pa ga ovi puštaju uz ispriku.

IF BORG QUEEN WERE
1. Sisko: "We are the Borg. and the Bajoran Emmissary and..."
2. Tuvok: "We are the Borg. Assimilation is logical."
3. Seska: "We are the Borg... hello, Chakotay"
4. Seven: "We are the Borg. Again?!?"
5. Kira: "We are the Borg. You will be assimilated in the name of the Prophets."
6. Data: "We are the Borg. Borg: An intergellactive collective made up of, sentient biological and inorganic life forms working as a collective, first colonized in the year...blah blah blah..."
7. Scotty: "We are the Borg. You will be assimilated in one hour. But since you don't have an hour we'll do it in half an hour."
8. Q: "We are the Borg. Mere mortals are not worthy of assmililation. The Continum will simply erase you from time!"
9. T'pol: "We are the Borg. The Vulcan Science Directorate has determined that you will be assimilated. Resistance would be illogical."
10. Kirk: "We are the Borg. Give us your females!"
11. Janeway: "We are the Borg and don't call us 'Sir.'"
12. Quark: "We are the Borg. Give us money."
13. Paris: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile, so how about a nice stroll on the holodeck and an Ij'okian Rum Punch?
14. Uhura: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated and then you can wear that ridiculous mini-skirt that forces you to keep your legs crossed all the time. AHAHAHAHAHA"
15. Spock: "We are the Borg. Assimilation is logical. Resistance is most fascinating."
16. Garak: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile, and so is thinking you can get away with wearing those shoes with that purse."
17. Troi: "It appears we are the Borg. I am sensing a strong futility in your resistance."
18. McCoy: "We are the...Damnit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a Borg!
19. Neelix: "We are the Borg. We will add your technological and biological distinctiveness to our own. Won't that be nice?"
20. Picard: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile...Number One."

...svaka čast!!
...ovo je predobro...

...i usput urnebesno smiješno...

LEGENDARNO!!!

Borg Taglines
-I am Al of Borg. Aww, Peg, I assimilated you last year.
-I am Bart of Borg - who the hell are you?
-I am Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up, Collective?
-I am Caffeine of Borg. Sleep is irrelevant.
-I am Clinton of Borg. Hillary says resistance is futile!
-I am CopyCat of Borg. Your tagline will be assimilated.
-I am Dangerfield of Borg. Respect is irrelevant.
-I am Descartes of Borg: I assimilate therefore I am.
-I am Drunk of Borg. Resistance is floor tile.
-I am Flatulus of Borg. Prepare to pull my finger.
-I am Fudd of Borg! Pwepawe to be assimiwated!
-I am Fudd of Borg. Wesistance is usewess!
-I am Garfield of Borg - Hairballs are irrelevant.
-I am Ginsu of Borg. You will be assimilated - but WAIT! There's- MORE!
-I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be... ooooohh, doughnuts!
-I am Jordan of Borg. Gravity is irrelevant.
-I am Madonna of Borg. Gender is irrelevant.
-I am Madonna of Borg: Justify my assimilation!
-I am OS/2 of Borg. DOS will be assimilated.
-I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated.
-I am Shakespeare of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be, assimilated.
-I am Tweety of Borg. I _tawt_ I attimiwated a puddy tat!
-I am Yoda of Borg: Irrelevant the Force is.
-I am Zsa Zsa of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated dahling

The TOP NINE
worries of
Capt. Jean-Luc Picard

Has to figure out at least a token punishment for Worf for killing a crew member who hid a tribble in Worf's bed as a practical joke.


The impulse engines have been making a funny noise lately.


Crew refers to him as "Captain Chrome-Dome Retard" behind his back.


That the voices in his head telling him to throw Counselor Troi out an airlock will become too insistent to ignore.


Ensign Ro has introduced a strain of Bejoran V.D. into the Enterprise population that cordrazine won't even put a dent in.


Wesley might come to visit.


Lwaxanna Troi might come to visit.


Riker will keep turning down promotion after promotion and he'll never be rid of the big dork!


The way Data keeps reading "2001: A Space Odyssey" over and over again.








The Top 10 Signs
you've watched too much
Star Trek:

You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green-Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7.


You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.


You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise.


Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information.


You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th century looking for a whale.


Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T.J. Hooker and Capt. Kirk.


You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?"


You have no life.


You recognize more than 4 references on this list.


You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.

good stuff
pogotovo:
You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.

7. Enterprise je susreo nepoznatu rasu, za koju se kasnije utvrdilo da je poznata, samo su njeni pripadnici nosili čudne maske da zajebavaju posadu.

predobro...pogotovo ovo s borgom

:upiš:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

TOS

Gene Roddenberry: To boldy go where no chicken had gone before.

Kirk: You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....you killed my...son!

Spock: Fascinating, Captain, it seems driven by a beam of pure energy.

Bones: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!

Scotty: Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.

Sulu: To get back to San Franciso; it was born there.

Uhura: Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?

Chekov: It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the
billionth time..did I scream this time?

Nurse Chapel: Oh, Spock, I fixed you your favorite Vulcan plomeek and chicken soup!

V'Ger: To join with the Creator.

Sarek: Sometimes my logic fails me where chickens are concerned.

Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...

Khan: With my last breath I spit at the chicken...

Harry Mudd: Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no, there's been a terrible misunderstanding.

TNG

Picard: Dammit, that's not for us to answer! It's his fundamental right as a sentient being to determine the time and manner by which he travels towards his goals!

Riker: I don't know why, but I do know how: with pleasure, sir.

Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by any kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.

Troi: It was running...running away from...no, escaping...oh, Captain, it was fleeing from such *pain*!

Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll be there in an hour or two--but any later, and it'll be absolutely impossible for it to make it.

Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and...

Dr. Crusher: Maybe since he couldn't make the other side to get to him, *he* had to get to the other side....

Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?

Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer.

Barclay: Uh, chicken?!! Where?!!! C-c-c-ommander, did I ever mention my problem with small feathered things?

The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.

Hugh the Borg: Maybe it wanted to be my friend.

Mr. Homm:

Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)

Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc!

DS9

Sisko: I don't care *why* it was crossing the road! All I want to know is *why* it left the coop! So it wanted to "get to the other side"--there is only *so far* that my tolerance will go!

Kira: I bet those damn Cardassians were after it!

Dax: To get to the other side. Curzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue, and then there's...

Odo: I don't have the slightest idea--and I don't particularly care...but then, I've never understood you ornithoids' need to engage in such pointless behavior.

Quark: Now really, why would I have bribed him to do it so I could make a tidy profit in the station pool? Besides, all I know is that chicken tastes just like tube grubs.

O'Brien: Well, it's nothing a good pint or two won't fix.

Dr. Bashir: I suppose it wanted to play some darts.

Jake: Check out the babe that just came off that transport!

Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.

Garak: To get to the other side? Of course not! Do you realize how ridiculous that is? I'm sure it was a simple matter of its farmer expelling it from the coop for...embezzling eggs.

The Grand Nagus: Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once! You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing! (Inconceivable!)

Gul Dukat: Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone's satisfaction.

VOYAGER

Janeway: Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog.

Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.

B'Elanna: I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the [BEEP] regulations of [BEEP] Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!

Tuvok: That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer.

Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But--if you can catch it, I can cook it.

Kes: It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!

Paris: Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.

HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here! I didn't even know we had added chickens to the crew! All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!

The Top Ten April Fool's Jokes on the Enterprise

10) Everybody act like Riker is the captain
9) Pretend you've been taken over by an alien being
Program the replicator in Troi's room so that it won't make chocolate
7) Replay file tape of Borg ship on main viewer
6) Tell Data that Starfleet has decided to dismantle him
5) Put a small speaker in Dr. Crusher's bedroom to play garbled voices
4) Lock Picard in the children's schoolroom with several children and no adults
3) Substitute some of Dr. Crusher's moss with moss showing 24 hours more growth
2) Put a sign on Worf's back that says "Kick Me!"
1) Yell into your communicator "Captain, the antimatter containment fields are collapsing!"









Top Ten Bumperstickers for the U.S.S Enterprise

10) "Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"
9) "One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it"
"HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!"
7) "Guns don't kill people...Class 2 Phasers do!"
6) "Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"
5) "CAUTION...We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical."
4) "If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"
3) "Have you hugged a Ferengi today?"
2) "We brake for cubes!"
1) "Wesley On Board!"

evo ovdje trekastična slikica da ne ponavljam.

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